Relating to Your Sensory Self

So far, my posts have been focused on your child’s challenging behaviors and sensory processing differences.  Before we continue, I want to emphasize that we all have differences!   However, sometimes these differences are more extreme and become a challenge to us.  I always tell parents that the sensory processing differences that they observe in their child are only a problem if those differences interfere with family or school life. In terms of sensory needs, is your child comfortable in his or her daily environment?  Are sensory patterns affecting social interactions or ability to focus in school or follow a daily routine? 

Before you consider your child’s patterns, reflect on your own sensory processing patterns. Winnie Dunn wrote an insightful book called Living Sensationally:  Understanding Your Senses.  She helps adults view their own behaviors through the lens of sensory responses in daily living. The responses are then grouped into four basic patterns:  avoiders, sensors, bystanders and seekers.  Her questionnaire helps you to determine your own patterns as well as the degree to which they influence your social interactions, activity choices, clothing and so forth. 

I took the questionnaire myself and the results show that my behaviors appear to be moderately influenced by avoider and sensor patterns, some mild bystander characteristics, and virtually no influence by seeker patterns of responses.  It confirms, from a sensory point of view, that I am a mixed bag:  I avoid perfume but like spices, love haircuts and going barefoot, but I do not touch others when I am talking to them – in fact, I respect a substantial personal bubble.

My primary take-away from this book is that no one pattern is better than another; however, how you experience and respond to sensory input can impact your activity choices and how you relate to other people.  While this is particularly true in marital and roommate relationships, just consider how much this can influence your relationship with your child!

If you are a “seeker” parent and have a “sensor” child, you may clash in your idea of what is fun!   A seeker may love the big crowded playground and all of its activities, but the avoider child might prefer his or her own backyard with a friend or two.  A seeker child might like the front row of a parade, while the bystander parent might like to watch from a few rows back. The avoider parent would have someone else take their child to the parade.  A sensor child might only be comfortable in cotton clothing with tags cut out, while a seeker parent might love bright lively fabrics - and it doesn’t matter what it feels like. 

Pay attention to how you perceive sensory input and respond to it. This may prove to be vital in your relationship with your child.  No matter what the results, it is important to honor the fact that your child may be experiencing the input in a totally different way. 

I can help you decipher the sensory patterns in your family.  Being aware of your own sensory processing patterns is a key first step!  Contact me to start the conversation.

The Sensory Sensitive Child

“Is the fire alarm going to go off?  The lights are too bright!  It’s too noisy in here – it hurts my ears! My tummy hurts.  I want to leave!”

Do you have a sensitive child?  This is not an uncommon phenomenon and yet these children can feel alienated and misunderstood.  When I have had children referred for sensitivities, it’s usually because it is interfering with their concentration and even with social skills.

Noah came to me and could not get off the topic of the possibility of the fire alarm going off.  His mother said he also had a hard time entering public bathrooms because of the anticipated noise of the hand driers.  My nephew has extreme sensitivity to pain to the point where a hang nail can make him miss a piano lesson.  The other afternoon I was attending a child-friendly concert—or should I say friendly for most, as one child was brought out plugging his ears, screaming about the noise and his parent looked equally stressed saying, “just play outside then!”

It can be so frustrating for the adult, but even more anxiety producing for the child! When I try to explain to parents and teachers how real this is to a child, I ask them to imagine standing in front of a car and the person inside is poised to hit the horn.  You know it’s just a horn, but you would feel better if you were the one who was going to honk it.  Or, imagine that you are experiencing a nasty headache and you are stuck in traffic in a construction zone.  The point is, a child feels like there is no escape.  Or maybe they do escape and they bolt from the house or classroom or away from you in a crowd.  Or they just melt.

As discussed in past posts, it is good to think of your own sensitivities and try to think about how your child is experiencing the environment.  It is helpful to think of yourself on the same side as the child and honor their sensitivities.  Just take their word for it that it truly “hurts.”

If you were stuck in traffic, hearing someone say, “Get over it, there is nothing I can do!” would simply add to the frustration.  But it might help you to hear something like:  “Oh, getting stuck in traffic is the worst!  Can you find some good music to listen to? I heard the funniest story at work today.”

Similarly, a child might like to hear:  “Oh, I am so sorry that noise is bothering you and hurting your ears.  It does not bother me, but I know it bothers you.  What about putting your hands over your ears or using these ear plugs or these noise-blocking headphones?”  If they are not at the peak of anxiety, it may help to divert them with a story or song. I had one little guy who just needed to have the ear plugs in his pocket.  At first he used them, but eventially he would just finger them for reassurance.

Sometimes if you anticipate a “sensory event” it helps to talk it through, talk about ways to handle it and go through the time table for when it will be over.  Help them practice tolerating the noise.  Even have them imitate the noise.  In the case of pain, try to give the child some deep calming back rubs or find another calming event for them such as music on headphones.

*If you would like to go on an outing with your child who has sensitivities, there are venues which accommodate those needs.  Libraries offer smaller group times with less stimulation.  Also Seattle's Child Magazine has pulled together a list of possibilities you may want to check out.

**If your child is overwhelmed and you are overwhelmed, seek a professional to help you work through these very real challenges.  It can be an occupational therapist, or for babies you can contact the people at the FussyBabyNetwork:  www.cooperhouse.org/fussybaby. (Seattle area)

May 5, 2015

The Bull in the China Shop

“Oh my word, why do you keep knocking things over?  You tore your paper again?  Here’s a new one, but it’s the last one.  Will you please close the door more quietly?  Indoor voice please!!  Your zipper is broken?  You have to be more gentle!”

Do you know this child?  The child who seems rough on everything?  Sometimes seems to do things on purpose, but often is just like a bull in a china shop leaving a path of destruction?  The cause for this behavior varies, but sometimes the child just has a need for bigger input into his body.  This is the child who will gravitate toward the puddle and jump into it, run up and down the aisle in the market, chew on their ice, insist on climbing into their car seat (no help please!), dump all of their toys out, and break the crayons accidentally on purpose when coloring.  They seek more resistance, more intense feedback.

What’s interesting about this child is that when I start questioning the teacher – and especially the parent – and start giving them ideas for meeting this child’s deep sensory needs, they will often say, “Oh, he loves to do that!”  In other words, when they think about it, this child chooses what he needs.  So we’re all good, right? Unfortunately, some of the ideas the child comes up with are not so appropriate or acceptable.

So how do we intervene after we have observed this pattern of behavior?  One way is to guide them to acceptable and effective strategies for meeting this evident sensory need. Some of these are referred to as “heavy work.”  They include activities such as:  having your child help you carry groceries, open heavy doors, wipe off tables, and – for older children – push the vacuum cleaner.  Yes, your child can do chores!  Sweet.

Other ideas you may want to consider include:  sucking water from a water bottle, riding a bike, climbing at the playground, jumping, fun yoga, drawing with chalk on a sidewalk, coloring with crayons, crunchy or chewy snacks, playdough play, building with heavy wooden blocks.  Swimming, sand play, and swinging are also favorites for many children.

There are several points to remember:

• Sprinkle these activities throughout their day. Consider putting them into your routine right before a time they have challenges such as mealtime when they have to sit for a bit…or before bedtime when they need to calm down.
• Try catching them before their behavior starts spinning out of control. My son-in-law started a “calm song” activity with his two-year-old daughter.  What a great practice for her to learn!  It helps her to regain that calm necessary for engaged play.
• Choose activities which will work for you and your child. Observe the effect of each activity and toss out the ones that don’t work.
• Some activities can work both ways, e.g.,running can be calming for some people and can stimulate others.

So, what about that bull in the china shop?  He needs support if he is to enter and stay in the china shop, but altering the environment might be better. 

April 24, 2015

Articulating Sensory Preferences

“I can’t wait until recess and tether ball…oh, I wonder who that visitor is here for… I wish I could go with them…oh, man, my pencil point broke off again – I was using it to balance while I tipped my chair back…kind of fun to roll the point back and forth on my desk…it’s making my fingers gray…I should wash it off…huh, there’s that hangnail…wonder if I can pull it off – oops, bleeding. These shoes are bugging me…I wish I didn’t have to wear shoes at school.  Yesterday we had a fire alarm…wonder if we will have one today.  I’m hungry. Oh, yeah, time for recess.  What? I can’t go out because I didn’t do my work?  Argh!  What?  I didn’t push him; I was just turning him around. Sorry.”

I’ve known many children who have similar thoughts and feelings throughout every day in school.  They are often not able to articulate what is bugging them.  Even if they noticed what would help, for example a change in seats, chewing gum, or shoe removal, it is against the rules…or disruptive to others.  They don’t have a bandaid to tape up that pesky hangnail.  They have a need to move and it’s constantly squelched.  They miss directions and later they act out.  Or perhaps they hold it together at school and act out at home.

The issue may not be purely sensory in basis – it could be that they did not have a good meal before school or maybe not enough good sleep.  They may “forget the rules” or have peers who “set them off.”  So many variables!  However, sensory issues need to be addressed both when doing the “detective” work of looking at causes of behavior and when considering strategies to help the child manage their behavior.

Imagine a comparable scenario for an adult.

“I hate being late to conferences.  Now I have to sit in the middle of the row and it’s crowded.  My neighbor is talking to her friend and I am having a hard time hearing the lecturer.  The Power Point doesn’t seem to match what she is saying – or I am on the wrong page.  Eesh, I am so chilly, wonder if they will turn the heat up.  I wish I had eaten more breakfast and I forgot my water bottle in the car.  I think I will leave early.”

Could this be you?  It could be me!  As an adult, though, we have options, right?  We could politely let the neighbor know that we are having a hard time hearing.  We could get up, move and find a warmer spot with more room.  We could get a snack from our bag and eat it (quietlyJ) anytime we choose, look at our phones, find some coffee or tea, use the bathroom without raising our hand – you get the idea, right?  We have more awareness of what is bugging us and what appropriate measures we can take to stay focused.  We can even anticipate going home and kicking off our shoes.  If we are not aware and do not use some strategies, we may start grumbling and sighing – in other words, our behaviors may deteriorate!

Being able to articulate our needs and having choices in how to mediate those needs makes a world of difference in helping us to be comfortable in our environment.  Observing your own sensory patterns and how you fulfill your needs will in turn help you in observing your own child and their preferences.  This is an important step in choosing effective strategies for helping your child to be comfortable in their environment.

April 6, 2015

Sensory Processing and Behavior

When I am contacted to help with challenging behaviors, I am often asked:  is it behavior or is it sensory based?  In other words, when a child has a challenging behavior, could it be that there is a sensory component?  My answer is “probably.”

Luke exhibited a lot of “bull in a china shop” behaviors:  he was always bumping into his peers, knocking things over, slamming doors too hard and breaking his pencils.  He was often in people’s faces and could not grasp the concept of an “indoor voice.”  He often was the child who had recess taken from him (his favorite thing) and he was the child who needed it the most.

We all process sensory information.  We react to our body’s movement, smells, touch,  tastes, what we see and sounds around us.  We make choices based on our preferences:  shower or bath, exercise or sit in a comfy chair, fast food fries or home roasted potatoes, all cotton clothes with a loose fit or snug fitting athletic clothes.  Time of day, stress or our health can alter these preferences so that we may react to loud music irritably at one time and with passive acceptance another.  So although we all have patterns, our preferences may vary or we can compensate.  For example, if you are at a meeting and the voice of the presenter is irritating to your ears, you may step out a minute and get a drink or just doodle on your paper.

Children, however, are more likely to react in a visible way and their way of dealing with something noxious to them may result in what we see as challenging behaviors.  Don’t like the noise?  Put your hands over your ears (good compensation!) and scream (not so good).  For Luke, he craves pressure into his joints so he loves opening heavy doors and carrying the groceries (great activities) but he also pushes his friends (not a good choice).

When looking at challenging behaviors in children, it is generally valuable to look at their sensory processing profile.  There are standardized tools used to gather information about sensory related behaviors.  The purpose is to help the adult to discern what part sensory responses might play in the cause or exacerbation of the behavior.  Not only does this help in understanding their behavior, but also helps in devising ways to intervene.  You may find out that the child can’t stand seams in her clothing so they only feel comfortable when they wear clothes and socks inside out.  Further, when you shop with them you may pay more attention to the insides of the clothing.  Paying attention to these details can affect behavior as well as relationship dynamics.

Next time we will look at some more specific sensory patterns and preferences – for you and for your child.

March 5, 2015

Behavior Detective: looking at challenging behaviors

“Oh, my, there’s James hitting someone else again!  HIs mother should pay more attention to disciplining him.  He is not going to make any friends that way.”  Ouch!

Have you felt like this when observing someone else’s child?  Or have you been struggling with your child’s behavior and maybe even overheard this said about your child?

Challenging behaviors are just that:  challenging!  There are so many factors to consider and the best place to start is to think of yourself as being on the “same side” as the child when the event is past.  In other words,it’s generally too hard to come up with a plan in the “heat of the moment” when the behavior is ticking everyone off.

We have all experienced seeing children misbehave which may range from pushing over someone else’s block tower to shoving or hitting.  Often the reaction for us as parents or teachers is to intervene by saying “no” to a young child and possibly diverting them to another activity, or with older children maybe exacting an apology and giving them a time out or another consequence.

When thinking of appropriate consequences we should be thinking of “why” this behavior occurred.  An important part of dealing with challenging behaviors – especially repeat behaviors – is to try to understand what the motivation is behind the behavior.  Are they trying to escape a situation, get attention, or is crashing into people or things just too much of a temptation?  Or could it be that they do not understand the rules or forget them in the heat of the moment?

In preschool we had a little guy we will call Sean.  He was referred to us for behavioral issues and yet we found him to be a pleasant little 4 year old who loved to be social.  His idea during choice time was to get people to play chase with him and then he would tackle them.  Fun for him, but they were not always happy to play this game and it was pretty disruptive in the classroom setting.  He was repeatedly “timed out” so he could calm down and “play nice.”

In the case of Sean, we would talk to him and he would nod that he needed to make other choices and he was back to tackling.  We decided first of all to check if he really comprehended what we said.  The speech therapist did some more testing and found that he did not. This information helped us when constructing his interventions.

To start with, we knew we had a child who needed a multi-sensory approach including:  role modeling for more calm play, pictures of play activities to choose from and then physical practice in using those tools.  This is not a child we should pop into a “time out” chair, but instead, he needs some fun but acceptable activities.  Because of his language issues, he is the child to whom you give clear directives and have him show you that he understands. As with all children, he needs consistent and firm follow-through guiding him toward good choices.  Behaviors take time to change!

We also worked with him on how to “read” people’s responses.  When he tackled and kids squealed, he would smile – not in a malicious way, but thinking it was fun.  He loved loud voices.  Similarly when the teacher reprimanded him for knocking down someone’s block construction, he would get a puzzled look on his face.  Again, this was fun for him and he thought it would be fun for everyone.

This particular behavior is an indicator of some deep sensory needs.  Next time we will begin to look at sensory processing as part of our behavior detective work.

In the meantime, here are a couple of questions to ponder:

• are the expectations age appropriate and have they been clearly communicated?
• what are you observing in the way of motivation for the behavior:  attention? power? escape from the situation? sensory needs?

October 7, 2014